Vintageme

Thursday, March 30, 2006

How to make a really terrible documentary.

A kind friend recorded a documentary about "The Kennedys" for Mum as we have few extra channels.He got this one in a package and never watches it normally .It started well in that it had a young presenter who looked like Mark Steele ( that would have been good!) .That was the good bit after that with the help of the enormous heaps of old film footage it introduced us, badly, to the Joe/Rose generation .Anyone without any prior knowledge would not have learnt much .It seemed to fast forward to J.F.K's election with the odd suggestion that he was "riddled" with a disease that will remain un-mentionable but because if he had been he'd have been pock-marked like some old Venitian aristocrat .He was a very sick man but with addison's disease .I dare say his morals weren't likely to please his wife .We then go through the oft tried can you shoot 3 bullets out of a rifle in 5 minutes etc. They proved you could but like to leave a doubt that L.H.O could .Lots of stuff about Monroe that was beyond laughable , not that we don't have sympathy for the poor woman.Some wit suggested if they had killed all the women J.F.K had affairs with and laid them end to end ...blah,blah.It seems the beasties did it with a hose-pipe ..I won't tell you where. Then we have the best bit of all a seance at which a bit of plastic points to M.M ( it's name) tells us it was murdered by some bloke called ..b-o-b-b-...guess the last one .So handy she was on-line that day .We then fast forward to 1968 and the only bit of film they seemed to have was R.F.K's thank-you speech after The California Primary ( you have to hear him say "we are a ruthless country" by mistake .Not to lighten what is a horrible few moments of film but then come the conspiracy nuts again. Mum is convinced his murder was a conspiracy if only by the anbulance service who took 23 minutes to get to a head -shooting victim.At least a chance to use all that chaotic footage of people running around in total panic .We don't stop there ...poor Ted gets the Chappaquidick was a conspiracy treatment ..all to frighten him out of running for the White-House ( heck I'd have lived in a bunker for the rest of my life if I was him).All in all with a bit of footage and a wobbly camera , a holiday in L.A you too can make documentaries worthy of showing on a channel that thousands watch ..goddness knows why?

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